Tarot for Self-Reflection
How and Why I use my Tarot practice as a means of self-reflection.
I was exposed to tarot only a few years ago — perhaps in 2018. I have no clear memory of when I decided to give “tarot” a curious google search or when I started perusing the imagery of the Smith-Rider-Waite deck. I do know it was well after having left the evangelical church and a few years after moving cross-country twice in a six month window. That was a tiring time for me. I was ready for something new in my life that would serve the position that the church once served for me. I needed structure. I wanted symbolism and archetypes. I wanted stories, cause and effect, allegory, magic, and happy endings. I wanted a fairy tale hobby.
By early 2019 I had moved through stages 1–5 of grief associated with the loss of my faith. My deconstruction was painful. I believe those who have never deconstructed a faith practice in order to separate from it may not know the intense agony it can cause. Some may sympathize. Others may offer condolences on the difficult thing you are doing, but those who have not done it certainly cannot know that pain. I felt everything from confusion and embarrassment to despair and depression. In the hardest days, I did feel like I might still be at risk for an eternity in hell if I left the church. On the brighter days I was — at least — open to new things.
When I finally let go of the fantasies I had held to for nearly 30 years I felt the most intense burden of my life disappear. I was I was moving into stages 6 and 7 of the Seven Stages of Grief theory: Reconstruction and Hope. Part of reconstruction is moving on. The other part is building. It’s one thing to step away from what no longer serves you, but it is bonus leveling-up to start building something new in its place.
As a Virgo, I’m an extremely organized, thorough, and conscious person. I’m conscious of time, the impact of social events, my persona, my growth, my anxiety… really, everything. I had, for so many years, used Bible study, church services, and church service as a framework for my daily goings-about. My faith dictated everything from how I dressed to how I thought of myself. When I left the church, I had to find a new system. I knew I didn’t need to recreate the wheel — I just needed to find a new system that would serve me, the way my participation in the church had served me in terms of how I craved structure for myself.
I’m an anxious person. I have let anxiety get the best of me; but I have also developed strategies to beat anxiety. This was part of my reconstruction. I have had deep sadness and felt very confused in the past. Now, having moved through reconstruction to HOPE, I can say that most instances of sadness and confusion are short lived and superficial. The 2019–2020 pandemic of COVID-19 was what made me realize I had successfully moved through all stages of my grief. I was happier and more positive, even in the face of a global pandemic. But how did I get to that point?
I use tarot as a means of self-reflection, primarily. I also use it as a hobby. If I’m not writing in a journal, reading tarot or astrology books, or listening to podcasts, I’m reading my tarot cards. At this point there may be two fair questions: Why use tarot for self-reflection, and (even more importantly), how does one read tarot?
When someone reads tarot they are telling a story with the cards they draw.
First, the tarot deck is a deck of 78 cards with two parts: The major arcana, whose significance is big life events or representations of greater ideas, and the minor arcana, whose representation can be seen as daily life happenings. The major arcana has 22 cards whose personalities indicate different stages of life, different people types, different major events and happenings, and spiritual events. The minor arcana is similar to a deck of playing cards with four suits, numbered and with court carts. The numbered or court cards, paired with a suit, can help tell a story or provide clarity on a day-to-day issue.
When someone reads tarot they are telling a story with the cards they draw. Combined, the major arcana and minor arcana can illustrate a timeline with a focal point. It might illustrate a kind of person and their emotional state. The tarot can tell many stories. A tarot reader can lay cards on a table with a preconceived set of questions, in which, the cards laid out will “answer.” Alternatively, a tarot reader may go into a reading with zero preconceived ideas. They simply lay cards into a spread and allow the story to come to life for them. Both are valuable methods to reading the cards. Tarot readers read for themselves and for others. I have personally come to cherish my own personal reading time.
Why Tarot for self reflection?
There are probably a million and a half ways to have personal time and to practice self reflection and assessment. For many years, my method was faith-based spiritual study. I read the Bible as a guide and tried to apply it to my life. I could read the story of a person in peril and relate his strife to my own life. I could mimic the steps the person took to relieve his doubt and find myself in a happier state, as well. It was a practice that worked well for me. The Bible is an archaic text, yes, but to its credit it is a lovely history full of rich characterization, mystery, magic, parable, archetype, and change. Who doesn’t appreciate good story and a good protagonist?
Leaving the Bible behind as I deconstructed my faith left me empty in the little creative area of my brain that craved story. When I stumbled upon the Tarot — or “The Fool’s Journey” — I found what I had been craving. At this point in my life I feel fake if I take a story or book and try to apply the protagonist’s lessons to my life in an attempt to learn about myself. How does your book mean squat to me? How does your story touch my life? After facing this fact, I started looking for ways to tell my own story, or at least for ways to engage my brain in story again: story that reflected me, not anybody else.
I needed to reflect on me, not anybody else.
When I lay out a three card spread, I’m ready to tell myself a story of the fool. I am the fool, card zero, on my journey. I lay out three unknown cards. I might use these cards to reflect on my day. Card one: An unseen struggle I didn’t recognize today. Card two: An unseen victory I didn’t recognize today. Card three: Something to focus on tomorrow. The three cards — regardless of their variety — will tell me how to think about my day.
Collectively, they’ve made me think about wins, losses, and strategy. They may direct me to think about love, evil, money, or health. You never know what the cards will have for you.
There are no words to describe the satisfying ah-ha moment that comes after reading a tarot spread that I have laid out with the sole purpose of better understanding myself.
The effectiveness of tarot as self-reflection comes with becoming well acquainted with the narrative in the imagery, the numerology, color theory, gender identity, and dozens of other ways one might use to make sense of any other literature. I say this because I can fully recognize that tarot is not for everyone. Someone who struggled in high school English class to make sense of symbolism and character development would probably not find tarot to be as effective a tool as I have. The comfort I have gained with my cards did not come overnight. The stories did not “pop out” so clearly at first. The lessons felt like suggestions rather than strategies to implement. After a few years of my dedicated practice, though, a method immerged. Following my intuition as well as holding to theories of interpretation with the cards that I learned through my years of studying literature in school are the groundwork for my readings. Couple my “I believe it” attitude with my “I understand it” personality, and I’m pretty confident in what I do!
I’m grateful for this tool. I had to teach it to myself, and I’m appreciative of that journey. I’m thankful for the opportunity to live and to get better every day — better at everything. Tarot is a small piece of my “getting better at everything,” and trust me when I say I’m happier and more fulfilled now with this practice as opposed to previous self-reflection practices. I use tarot for self-reflection because it fulfils a creative whim, it incites me to action, it allows me to use interpretation strategies and theory I’ve learned my education, and applying it makes me a better person.
